Appealing Citation

Dear very attractive members of the Parking Ticket Appeal Committee:

This appeal is in regards to the white, unscented, 2-ply citation found on my windshield issued July 14th, 2006. I am a student of good standing at Art Center College of Design, and would never dream of crossing the line (no pun intended). Thus, I feel compelled to write this appeal to defend my integrity. I realize you read through many appeals per session, and apologize for interrupting your lunch hour. For your sake (and happiness), I at least hope it was Taco Salad Day.

I would first like to apologize for my unruly disregard for Art Center College of Design law. I am aware of the parking procedures as set forth in the handbook, as well as indicated by the flier that has been posted near the entrance of the campus. However, I believe my actions may be justified, and have detailed my reasons below. Thank you for considering my appeal.

When I pulled into the parking lot a little before 9am for my morning class, I slid my dirty Pontiac Grand-Am next to a silver Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren (Forbes rated second most expensive car of 2005) who was encroaching in on my left side of the line. Not wanting to take a chip out of the $452,800 paint job, nor possibly taint the Mercedes with bits of mud and dirt particles that seem to grow from my own car, I inched my Ponty to the right as much as I could afford. Squeezing out my door (thank God I have a 28-inch waist) I checked to make sure I was within the parking boundaries, returned to my car and straightened out. Although my wheels were indeed on the line, I thought the parking attendants would understand why I had crossed the border, and naively believed my selflessness would be pardoned.

At that hour of morning, the car to my right was a Volvo S40 small sedan. I felt confidant the driver of the tiny vehicle would be able to easily enter his or her car upon leaving. So I left my Ponty far enough away from a very expensive car and a very small car, albeit crossing the parking lot line. At 6pm, when I returned from a long day of classes and constructing set on Stage 2, I found the aforementioned parking citation. To my chagrin, I discovered the reasons for my ticket. No longer parked next to me were the Mercedes or Volvo, so I was left with no alibi.

I have included a photograph illustrating the way in which my car was parked, not nearly as severe as the citation states. I would like to point out that the parking flier suggests it is possible to get a ticket for parking in such a way, but not indefinitely, and alludes to extenuating circumstances which I believe my case to be. I would greatly appreciate it if you could dismiss my citation, or possibly divert it to the unanimous driver of the Mercedes. In fact, if you are able to get his number, I would be very interested in settling the score with him personally. I’m sure he will be appreciative of me not wanting to harm his very expensive vehicle. And I am in the market for a Sugar Daddy. If he does not, indeed, swing that way, may I give him your number Carmella? Would your husband mind?

Thank you again for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Frank-Joseph Frelier
4th Term Illustration

PS Suzanne, that color shirt you’re wearing looks fabulous on you.